Gobble

Top Ten Things that Sound Dirty at Thanksgiving but Aren't


10. "Just reach in and grab the giblets."

9. "Whew...that's one terrific spread!"

8. "I am in the mood for a little dark meat!"

7. "Tying the legs together will keep the inside moist."

6. "Talk about a HUGE breast!"

5. "And he forces his way into the end zone!"

4. "She's 5000 pounds fully inflated and it takes 15 men to hold her down."

3. "It's cool whip time!"

2. "If I don't unbutton my pants, I am going to burst!"

. . . and the number one thing that sounds dirty at Thanksgiving but isn't . .

1. "It must be broken 'cause when I push on the tip, nothing squirts out."

Are we there yet?

Hippy Vibes



Boo!

10 Things That Sound Dirty on Halloween...But Aren't.



10. Once you get under the sheet, start moaning and groaning!!!

9. I got the best piece from that house.

8. Stick your hand in and guess what you're feeling....

7. It was so big and heavy, I had to use TWO hands!!

6. I bobbed and bobbed, but couldn't get my mouth around it!

5. Feel how heavy my sack is!

4. Just get on your hands and knees and bob your head.

3. If you just lick it, it'll last longer.

2. Show me your JuJuBees and I'll let you see my Zagnuts.

1. He's got Candy spread out on the living room floor!

The KatoAnon Endorsed Halloween Costume

Not every man can be the real Naked Cowboy, but we ask the hot ones to give it a shot!

The "late" Katoanon?

Not late.

Always right on time.

Why stop there?

Planning may have crossed state lines. Don't forget conspiracy. RICO might apply. FBI should be contacted immediately.

Commentaries Good Friday Message

Thank you.

Sock Drive Update

From an email received in the past hour:

It's been determined David Mosley is not nearly cool enough to participate in socksANONYMOUS' sock drive. Therefore, the drop-off location has changed to the H&R Block office at 1130 Eastern Blvd. in Clarksville, Monday-Friday, 9-6. The dates will remain the same, continuing through Friday, April 13. Some socks had already been collected at Mosley's office before he started grouchily turning them away. Those will be retrieved and all donations will still be given to CleanSocksHope, Inc.* per the original plan.

Mr. Mosley has also inexplicably chosen to post online that socksANONYMOUS solicited monetary donations payable to his law office. That is untrue. He should know that is untrue. There's documentation showing that it is untrue.

"socksANONYMOUS is a militant group of do-gooders using social media and humor to improve the world one fun stunt at a time."

We are still committed to that mission and regret this event wasn't more fun. There's still time to make it successful.



Some people...




*Clean Socks Hope, Inc., is in no way affliated with the organization of this effort. They are only the intended recipient of donations of new socks. Those wanting to contribute money should do so at cleansockshope.org.

A PLAN GONE AWRY?

THE COMMENTARIES HAS RECEIVED THE FOLLOWING STATEMENT FROM socksANONYMOUS

Charity sock drive at risk

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

Jeffersonville, IN - A sock drive to be held to help the homeless while celebrating April Fools' Day has run aground as one planned participant balks at hosting the event.

"We were assured repeatedly during the planning process for this event that [David] Mosley would be on board. Tributes to his generosity and sense of humor were many in these discussions. We praised his graciousness in our original release. Information coming in now leads us to believe these fine qualities were overestimated," said one organizer.

"We fear the charity which was set to receive the donated socks is being harmed by online comments suggesting they are not legitimate. The charity was only to be the recipient of this drive. They were not involved in the planning. This same charity holds benefit concerts at the Jeffersonville RiverStage, concerts which benefit the organizations Mr. Mosley supports: Haven House Services, Inc. and Jesus Cares at Exit 0.

This event was conceived in a spirit of fun and charity. We understand Mr. Mosley's initial surprise, but we are now the surprised ones. We did not expect any meanness or disparagement of a charity as a result. We believe while our organization's members are anonymous, Mr. Mosley understands the symbolism involved and surely knows by whom he's been had and should know that while he may disagree with a few of these persons on other matters, they are not ones to perpetuate fraud in the name of the homeless.

We've attempted to communicate with Mr. Mosley via email to address any concerns he has, but he has not responded.

The drive is now in limbo of a kind. We do not know if Mr. Mosley has chosen to play along for a good cause or take some other course of action. We will have to cancel the drive soon if the information we have continues to suggest Mr. Mosley is offended rather than amused at his inclusion and does not want to participate. This would be a shame since those donating are sincere and many have no knowledge of how the event was organized or why it would've been done the way it was. We'll provide more information when we have it.

For now we recommend donors visit: http://www.cleansockshope.org/ and use the donate button to contribute. We apologize for any confusion."

socksANONYMOUS is a militant group of do-gooders using social media and humor to improve the world one fun stunt at a time. The sock drive was announced last week via limited press release and Facebook. Invitees were asked to donate socks at the Jeffersonville office of Attorney David Mosley. The drive was to begin April 2 and is scheduled to continue through April 13. For more information email socksANONYMOUS@gmail.com.

KAC Update:
We've received a follow-up comment to the above release.

"She's being too nice. Bottom line is we need to know whether he's able to laugh at himself and have fun with this, or do we need to come get our hamper and remember not to include him in anything fun in the future. And we need to know soon as things are now up in the air," said another organizer.

Wednesday just desserts

Ex-Colo. Sheriff Pleads Guilty to Drug Charges

A former Colorado sheriff known for his crusade against youth drug use pleaded guilty Tuesday to charges of trading methamphetamine for sex.
Patrick Sullivan was sentenced to 38 days in jail, with credit for eight days already served, and two years of probation for felony possession of methamphetamine and a misdemeanor count of solicitation for prostitution. He must pay $1,100 in penalties.

Super-awesome sentence of the day: "He was held in a jail that was named after him."

Wednesday editorial comments

Hypocrites suck way harder than sinners.

Fun is good. Charity is good. Do good.

Sock Drive to benefit the homeless

March 30, 2012

JEFFERSONVILLE - A group of anonymous organizers will be holding a sock drive to benefit the homeless. The donation will be made in the name of the Clark County Chatter, though organizers stress their group has no official ties to the local Internet forum.

Those wishing to donate new socks may drop them off at the office of local attorney David Mosley, 332 Spring St. in Jeffersonville from April 2 through April 13.

"We really appreciate Mr. Mosley's gracious assistance in allowing socks to be collected at his office and to be the public face of this otherwise anonymous project. His participation is the key logistical piece that has made this effort possible," said one organizer.

Socks collected will be given to Clean Socks Hope to be distributed to those needing them. For more information, contact David Mosley at 812-282-9000.

Um. Help

Much of last year was spent arguing about the inanity of a city with this:

Ohio River

needing one of these:

Water Feature

Now,

Taking a new path: Trail planned through downtown Jeffersonville.

Wow.


Anyone think we should tell the whiz kids working on this about these?

Slainte

Rumors have flown as to why the ACC went silent on March 17. An informer found an abandoned camera hidden behind a downtown statue. The camera's contents only deepens the mystery.

As we piece this story together, we've confirmed a local establishment was invaded by leprechauns last Saturday night.

Among the green revelers, three super-hot women stood out as the clear party queens.

We sent out reporters to confirm the sketchy story the pictures were telling by interviewing individuals identified in the photos. Most were unwilling to talk about what they had seen and heard, one referring us to his attorney and another citing PTSD, but one, going by the name of W., let it slip there was serious political talk taking place including city appointments.

Also under discussion, according to W., was a major upcoming charity event, but, alas, he claims to not know the details. According to our reporter, the fear in W.'s eyes during this denial suggests he knows more than he's telling.

Were the three party queens Chatter Chicks in green disguises?

Can bodacious partying be awarded with city appointments?

Do the Rockettes know they've been ripped off by some Jeff chicks that dance EXACTLY LIKE THEM but have longer, trimmer legs?

Will cranberry juice consumption become another individual mandate of Obamacare as W. comes under the Chicks' power and carries their message to O.?

What the hell is up with this major charity event?

WWJD Part 1

You shall love your neighbor as yourself. There is no other commandment greater than these.

Peaceful Sunday to you

I say...

...we blame the British. The bastards.

I can nary type "among" without second-guessing whether it should "amoung" then deciding that looks weird, too. It always leads to an arguement with myself.

Making an arguement for misspelling by Laura Fitzpatrick.

Duh!

A case of male menopause by Angela Val Seaberry

A poster at another site posits,

"'JP is the Commissioner on Steroids.'
Have any other GAW/GCF readers heard this?"

How else does a man treat low T?

If catting around doesn't cure it, and repeatedly failing to regain political power when attainment is dependent on the will of the people only causes further demoralization, what else is left?

Working even harder to convince people you possess cajones gigantis or hormone replacement therapy.

This alleged vote tonight will backfire. It makes him look whipped.


Register to vote!

Listen, kids

Just because a doctor prescribed it doesn't make it good for you.

So sorry for all the pain.

RIP Jeff kid.

Happy Birthday!

Beware!

Go looking for a picture of this

You may get mostly these

and this

Saturday editorial confession

Activism is a nice cover for laziness.

Staging a sit-in turns skipping class into a noble cause.

A walk-out is an honorable way of ditching work.

An Internet blackout is like Senior Skip Day to at least one slacker blogger.

on haitus

that will be all.

Monday...

...she edited.

Turn to your neighbor

Hope and Change

Who will be first to I.D. the drummer?

'Nuff said

To Decadence: a toast



How times change. Sigh. There is no official video for the original 2 Live Crew "Get the fuck out my house bitch," and why would there be? Back in the day no one thought to just slightly lower the volume on the short "u," keep all else the same and call it censored. We've evolved so since the late eighties. Another sigh.

Shop Talk with David Hampe

Whoa! Check out the numbers over at the ClarkCountyChatter! That site really has it going on! We'll be dispatching our marketing and research teams to learn what the Chatter is doing to bring in so many members and guests. That Grumpy Granny, Quasar and Professor must be smart and wonderful people to attract such large numbers of readers to their site. Their staff must also be the greatest. We will be watching and learning from these wise people.

Hump Day Congrats...

...to Goliath. According to one of his biggest fans, most active poster and woman another website is reporting has begged to be "shared" by him and his young protegee, one Queensize Nana, his site is now comparable to and creating the same animosity within the community as the former ACC!

So, to Goliath, from the entire KatoAnon Commentaries staff, our most heartfelt congratulations.

You've earned it!

Wednesday Editorial Comment

So let me get this straight. The toiletflapper guy is calling other people depraved? Okee-dokee...



by Proxy

Hypothetical Rhetorical Metaphorical Question of the Week

Is the U.S. at war with Yemen?

We were just sitting around the newsroom discussing this, in a purely academic sense, of course. There are all those people over there that hate the U.S. In their minds, we're at war, but we haven't declared war on them.

Yet at the same time, we do send our sexysneaky little drones over there and just selectively take out bad guys pretty much whenever we feel like it. So while we haven't declared war, we are sorta kinda kicking their ass all the same, don't you think?

And really, when you're the superpower surgically removing individual enemies, the other guys clamoring about war and threatening to blow themselves up just look like chumps, yes? That's the conclusion we've settled upon.

Fibbing Peckerhead update

Back to fibbing. The same fibs. The peckerhead.

Tuesday Editorial Recommendation

If war were to become absolutely necessary, the KatoAnon Editorial Board highly recommends the following recruits:

We also have several reporters who have volunteered to be inbeds if we go to war and recruit these excellent warrior specimens. It should be noted these same reporters are now on probation with The Commentaries for freudiantly confusing "inbed" with "embed", though they have been commended for their good taste and dirty minds.

Play time is over