Peace

Slacker Saturday

We crept near the clearing where the ancients gathered. We hid behind the trees and heard something like this:

The Friday Wrap

Forgot Bernie Mac, child-rearing guru, was in this. Sniffle, sniffle.

RIP, man. RIP.

Friday News

We are following a developing news story concerning the appointment of a new member of the Greater Clark County Schools Board of Trustees. The seat was vacated by professional role model Robbie Valentine when it was discovered he had moved out of the district he represents. Follow the story here.

A note from our editorial board

Please review our guidelines concerning contributions to this blog. Unpublished comments are piling up. We do not plan to delete these comments as it seems prudent to preserve the vial (shout out to cindiloohoo) and threatening remarks in case any harm was to befall one of our staff or their families.

Yet as they do not meet our criteria of either non-hatin' or appropriate and funny, they will not be published. Actually, some are quite funny, but more in a laughing at you than laughing with you sort of way, and we are not in the business of holding up the mentally challenged and insane for ridicule.

Unless used as evidence at a future date, these comments are worthless and you're really wasting your venom and time.

Thank you for your understanding in this matter.

Still a war going on, right?

It appears getting his butt whooped by HoosierTaxpayer has been a draining experience for ol' Goliath as his postings have dwindled, but if the blog war has ended, the memo didn't make it to our mailroom.

So, we must ask, Goliath, where are your pictures of seriously buff men? We have them here. Where does that leave things? Strike 2.75? strike 2.9?

Countdown to economic ARMAGEDDON!!!! OMG!!!

4 Days! Prepare yourselves!

Friday Editorial Comment

You didn't put in on this, man.

Late Night Thursday Supplemental!

Breaking News!

Click below for story!
Old Spice Guy Kicks Fabio's Ass!

versus

Hunk-off results are in!

To be fair, these pics don't really do justice to the Old Spice guy. Where's his horse, the food he cooks, etc.? The Old Spice guy is loved for more than his bod.

Fabio, on the other hand, is being done a favor here by the use of an old picture. He was a hot dude. Now he's an old dude that's not as awesome as the Old Spice guy.

That's two good election outcomes in one week. Can the trend hold 'til November and into 2012?

Thirsty/Kinky Thursday?

Boy, do I like learning about new stuff! Bars frequently promote "Thirsty Thursday" specials, so that term wasn't new. See:

But Google Images has several offerings also promoting "Kinky Thursday." Who knew?

Whether you're feelin' thirsty or kinky, it sure is a beautiful Thursday!

The Commentaries Mailbag by KatoAnon

We received the following edited comment from KatoAnon Commentaries fan keepinitreal in response to our "Hump Day" post:

"Just wondering, Kato(***** ******)Anon, if your Pastor ******** down at ** ***** is aware of this Blog site of your (Alter-Ego)!!! I think I will invite her personally to have a look at your "Creative Refuge" Blog with all of it's filth!"

First, let me say thank you for your thought-provoking comment with awesome spelling, capitalization and punctuation. However, since you aren't entirely accurate in your assumptions - in fact, I can assure you the person you mentioned within my name has absolutely nothing to do with this blog whatsoever - it seemed appropriate to edit out that name, the name of the pastor and their church.

Secondly, I am very sorry that your experience with church and pastors has been such that you either view pastors as cops or punishers or so dislike them as a group that you would enjoy exposing one to "filth" that might shock them.

Lastly, you're more than welcome to invite anyone, including the pastor you mentioned, to view this blog. I hope she isn't offended and we don't consider this product filth, but it is a public blog that welcomes visitors. Any promotion you would like to do on our behalf to increase our page views is appreciated.

You might want to think about your motives though. Are you concerned about my soul or that of the person you mentioned and hoping the pastor will save them?

Or are you just trying to be a bitch and fuck up what has been described as a refuge? If it is the latter, I suggest you do contact that pastor, another minister or a secular counselor who can help you work through your anger and resentment issues.

If you were trying to be intimidating, you failed miserably.

Thanks again for commenting and have a wonderful thirsty or kinky Thursday!

Thursday Editorial Comment

Kiss my ass.

Hump Day

Aggy's Mailbox

Dear Aggy,

Is it normal for someone to proclaim themselves sovereign of a group that has kicked them out? Is it normal for someone to pretend to be a member of a club, for example posting pictures of themselves online wearing club accessories, when they were never a member of that club and, in fact, would not be welcome if they tried to join?

- Creeped out in Hoosierland

Dear Creeped out,

No. That is not normal. This person sounds as if they have an inflated ego, are obsessively jealous of this group and club, and since they've apparently followed your activities closely enough to try to imitate them, this person may also have stalker tendencies. These are some questions to ask yourself as you consider calling the men in white coats:

Does this person also exhibit irrational animosity toward members of these groups, for example name calling, discussing personal details of their lives and lying about them?

Does this person consistently portray themselves as a victim when most rational people would agree they are the aggressor?

Does this person act incredibly hypocritically, for example, bashing people for imagined acts that closely mirror the acts they are really perpetrating?

Does this person exaggerate how well they know the people they target?

Does this person engage in attention-seeking behavior?

Does this person target people with which they have no real relationship and which a healthy individual would spend no time paying attention to?

If you answered yes to one or more of these questions, there may be a certified nutcase stalking these groups. Vigilance and placing value on strength in numbers are recommended.

People close to this person should try to get them help. If loved ones are not actively seeking help for this person, it may be they don't really like them much either, are also nuts or recognize the person's potential for vindictive, possibly violent, behavior and fear them too much to confront them. You have good reason to be creeped out.

Hump Day Editorial Comment

Before all else, be armed.

Tuesday Edition

Setting the mood

Back then it was socially acceptable to have a name and logo closely resembling a brand of menthol cigarettes. Must've been kool.

The Vote Rocked!

Justice has been done! The BatBlog by HoosierTaxpayer, hero to the downtrodden and key operative in the mission to kill bin Laden dead, has triumphed over fierce (like crazy fierce) competitors to win the deserved title of Best Blog of Summer 2011!

"To you critics who hammered HT and the Batblog on GAW you can Kiss My Bat Ass !!!," said HoosierTaxpayer about the win.

Results were determined by a blog poll monitored by international observers including former president and go-to guy for international observing Jimmy Carter. A member of Carter's staff told The KatoAnon Commentaries, "Anyone who says this vote is rigged is retarded."

Another staff member soon called to say, "That guy that said 'retarded' in a quote to a respected publication such as yours is an idiot. I mean, it's true, but he shouldn't have said it. Please edit that out before you post. Thanks. Oh, and Jimmy said to tell you Israel is whacked."

We know, Jimmy. We know.

But a Huge Congratulations to the BatBlog and its Big Daddy HoosierTaxpayer for a well-earned and hard-fought victory!

From management, staff and many fans of The Commentaries that celebrate with you tonight, and from your neighbor Tammy who was kind enough to pose, this bud's for you:

Tuesday Shop Talk by David Hampe

We at the Commentaries are stoked to learn we have a readership with jobs! We're also quite surprised, but there is an easily distinguished spike of visits to this blog between 11 a.m. and 1 p.m. each day.

We can only attribute that spike to the gainfully employed checking in on their lunch break. It's not as if anyone is just rolling out of bed at that time then slacker enough to head straight for the compu...t...nevermind.

Tuesday's Editorial Comment

 You realize if we played by the rules right now we'd be in gym?

Monday Mega-Edition

Monday mood music

I feel a boogie skate!

Art appreciation

The Commentaries, in the name of truth, justice and the American way, has thrown its Goliath Best Blog Poll support to the award-winning BatBlog but still wants to keep pace with its peers.

Cindi has provided thought-provoking philosophical shock and awe. Goliath has exposed readers to Amy Winehouse videos they wouldn't have seen otherwise, certainly not every third post on Facebook since the news of her death broke. HoosierTaxpayer, well, HoosierTaxpayer has mostly given us boobs, and I'm pretty sure one set of those is fake.

Not to be outdone, The Commentaries is offering visual art. An image of sculpture. Simply to gaze at. Ponder a little.

Questions you may want to ask yourself as you reflect:

Would this piece be interesting and successful if viewed in the round?
What was the artist trying to say with this piece?
Would this look cool on my living room wall?
Is one of those shorter than the other?

A funny story

Funny thing happened, ok? You're not going to believe this, but really I am not making it up. Here, man, let me tell you. Here it is. I was going to get a picture of Cowboy, I swear.

I looked high and low down Spring St. and Court, cruised Coots, Mickey Ds, the Waffle and his secret clubhouse, getting totally jacked on coffee and feeling remorseful for blowing my wad too early in my blog venture. How would I continue to be worthy of this fabulously successful blog?

My car made a wider cruise as I smirked at a lagoon and seriously considered renting a carpet shampooer from Heuser Hardware. As I neared Court again, I saw a ruckus in Warder Park. It had the clear markings of a Cowboy sighting. Men insisting on buying him a drink. Women throwing undergarments.

I fought my way through the crowd and yelled over the roar of autograph seekers, "Hey, Cowboy!" Cowboy said, "Hey, Baby!" I said, "Hey, Baby, you. Let me get a picture." He said, "Ok, Baby," and did the best Arnold pose ever. I took the greatest Cowboy picture ever.

Then some crazy chick ran off with my camera. I'm still not sure if it was a jealous Cowboy fan, the chick muttering about angry birds on her phone or another thieving wench, but it's out there...somewhere, that awesome Cowboy pic.

There will be a handsome reward for the return of my camera with a picture of Cowboy set in Warder park. The camera is...orange, yeah, that's it. With one of the zoom thingys. That should narrow it down. I sure hope no dog ate it.

Monday Mega-Edition Editorial Comment

Hangnails suck and oh, shit, the president has been on an hour. I'm missing it. Stupid blog.

Happy Sunday

Lazy Day

Breaking News

Didn't take long.

Editorial comment

Yawn. Stretch.

The Friday Round-Up

The continuing decline of Western Civilization

It's been a rough day for the KatoAnon research team. The interns and other peons were charged with finding themed material for the Friday edition. The first item they came across was this video from teen artist Rebecca Black.

After taking one intern to the emergency room for profuse bleeding from the ears and eyes and incoherent babbling, we sent the rest of the research team back in to further investigate. In a tribute to their ill co-worker, they asked we post these:

The most sympathetic portrayal of Hitler ever produced

Sweeping up

Portions of a contribution from Molly Broom have been posted various places online with the apparent intent of giving her words some meaning or importance. We highly recommend people quit doing this.

Anyone who read Ms. Broom's entire piece word-for-word and attempted to make out what was being said should seek professional help immediately. They are masochists. There was no periods in the contribution. It was made up of random thoughts strung together and even mentioned the writer's monthy cycle. What healthy person would put themselves through that?

Neither Ms. Broom nor the KatoAnon staff anticipated anyone actually reading the entire feature. Like the great James Joyce before us, we here at the KatoAnon Commentaries enjoy messing with people's heads. We erred in not realizing how easy some folks can be.

Rock the Vote

Yesterday's featured bedtime story illustrated the danger of divided streams of support . To avert this danger in the ongoing blog war, the KatoAnon Commentaries has dropped out of the blog poll featured on Goliath's blog and is instead endorsing the award-winning BatBlog produced by HoosierTaxpayer.

It has become evident Goliath's intent was to employ the TG Method of vote-getting by including so many blogs in his poll, the anti-Goliath vote would be split. We have evidence that strongly suggests this was his intent in declaring war on this site. Don't fall for it.

Stand firm beside the one chosen blog war warrior by voting for the BatBlog at this link http://goliathandwimmens.blogspot.com/. You might win one of the prize dates being offered by HoosierTaxpayer. However, our sources are recommending that any female or gay male winners of the date package consider donating it to charity and using it as a tax write-off.

Friday editorial comment

A bedtime story

"Grandma, tell me a story."

"I'll tell you a story, Granddaughter, a story about a village by the river that was being tormented by a horrible plague."

"Ooh. Is it a scary story?"

"It is, but maybe not for the reason you think. Big Idea Man had been making terrible messes all over the village. His messes had destroyed the woods east of the village. He had made a mess of the district to which the villagers went when they were through toiling. He was planning a horrific mess for the most ancient part of the village, a mess that would drive people from their homes and unleash the tax collectors on the people. It was a dark time."

"Didn't the villagers try to stop Big Idea Man or clean up the messes?"

"They did. They brought in sages from far and wide to advise them of what to do, but the Big Idea Man had cooked up an evil concoction with which to make his messes with ingredients like extract of jellyfish and ear infection cultures. The sages said there was only one thing that could clean up the Big Idea Man's messes and bring his reign of terror to an end."

"What was it grandma?"

"Pee, and lots of it, directed straight at the messes and the Big Idea Man in one big, powerful stream."

"Eww."

"It was what had to be done. The sages said it would take a leader, the best pisser in the village, to aim at the Big Idea Man and his messes with all the villagers standing beside the leader contributing to the stream of urine."

"Did they find such a leader?"

"They tried for many years. Many times, they thought they had found the right leader, but Big Idea Man would trick them, encouraging many lesser pissers to offer themselves as leader. The villagers would be confused and break into factions supporting different pissers and the streams from these small groups were too weak to eradicate Big Idea Man and his messes.

Then, along came a promising leader, a real pisser, the owner of the village inn which was known far and wide for their recipe of mutton on a bun with tartar sauce. He had already taken on many of the big idea men and their messes throughout the county. The villagers were ready to stand with him and combine their streams to save their village from the messes of the Big Idea Man."

"So the village was saved?"

"Unfortunately, it wasn't that easy. There was another great pisser in the village, nearly as strong as the other. He had laid out the very boundaries of the farms surrounding the village and made sure the lanes were straight. The villagers would've been very lucky if these two men combined their stream and aimed it at Big Idea Man, but alas, it wasn't to be. Instead of joining the stream of the leader, the other pisser challenged the leader to see who could piss the farthest, forgetting to aim at Big Idea Man and his messes."

"Why did the other leader challenge the inn owner instead of joining him to get rid of Big Idea Man and clean up the messes?"

"It was because of a menace even more terrifying than the messes of the Big Idea Man. An evil that has lurked since the first animal walked the earth. The cause of all wars and strife on this planet. Testosterone."

"Testosterone sounds scary, Grandma."

"It is. It is because of testosterone that the village by the river was doomed by a pissing contest."

Become friends with KatoAnon on facebook at http://www.facebook.com/home.php#!/profile.php?id=100002636802732  We'd friend you, but we don't want to offend or incriminate, so click the link and friend us to incriminate yourself.

Fight Night

HoosierTaxpayer has done an excellent job providing commentary and drumming up interest in the upcoming League of Women Voters/Fighters' bout. Check it out here: http://hoosiertaxpayer.blogspot.com/2011/07/league-of-women-voters-err-fighters.html

HT fails to mention the LWVF members are mostly liberal pussies. Everyone knows Republicans are tougher, armed and uber-patriotic. So for hot cat fight action every American can be proud of the Clark County Republican Women is the group to watch. Don't believe me? Look here: http://clarkcountychatter.com/index.php?/topic/2340-clark-county-republicans/ 
Before placing those bets, take a look at just a few in the line-up:





Rosie the Riveter
Odds and fan favorite





Mighty Mouse



City Council Candidate
Kelley Curran



What a minute! How did they get in this photo spread?
They sure don't look like Republicans.

Mystery Republican stripper
supporting the troops

The Terminator
Very sweet and classy lady

Maybelline
She comes out swinging



                                                                                                  
The first 100 fans through the door will have their choice of free elephant ears or tea to throw at the losers. Bring out the kids for some good old American fun, violence and hot chicks.

               

Tuesday Edition: It's hot! (but not appropriate for children)

Tuesday mood music

Tuesday Shop Talk by Dave Hampe of the Pointer Institution:

Smut Sells

There's been some Internet buzz that perhaps one of our offerings here at the KatoAnon Commentaries has offended some in the community. For anyone truly harmed by our words, we deeply apologize. However, we hope readers will understand that this is a market-driven business, and our statistics clearly show readers want ugly.

Let me explain. There have been multiple posts made to this blog. The first, on the controversial subject of castration, was an absolute riot and has had a few views, approximately 2 million at this time. The post that has caused so much controversy, an interview with our two late and deeply mourned insectoid reporters, has already received 30 billion views. An offering of a beautiful hymn on Sunday? Two views.

We're more than willing to just put out whatever keeps the cash flowing, but our readership must figure out what it is they want.

Tuesday guest column by Louisa Black Warning: Bad words ahead

Toot! Toot! Here comes a whole fucking train full of assholes with virgin ears and delicate sensibilities. Just where in the hell did all these fucking chivalrous mother fuckers come from? Dear God, they're coming out of the goddamn woodwork now!

Sense of humor? Hell, no, these bastards don't need a sense of humor. They've got their self-righteousness! "Oh, Oh, let's get all worked up about what some flies say." They're not real! Son of a Bitch! Have they never heard of fiction!

Where were these heroic bastards when older women were threatened? Was their goddamn white horse in the fucking shop? One person after another was getting called fat, bitter, old, bad teeth, bad parent, bad wife, baby bugger, stupid, jealous, brainless, slutty, fake, transvestite, sad, pathetic. People were being impersonated. Crimes were being committed for God's sake, and where were these pricks then!

Oooh! And here's the part, here's the part that really burns my ass. The shit was squashed. Fucking squashed. The real white hats won. It was over. Like any villain, the evil thing popped up elsewhere at the end. A couple of death throes. But it would've been done. Hell, even the flies were dead. But, nooooo! Conceited goddamn moral judges just couldn't fucking let it go. "Let's sum it all up with what a saint I am. Two wrongs don't make a right. I've had weight issues."

Well, fuck me running! Ain't all that a bitch. Who doesn't have goddamn weight issues? They think the people getting called fat for months don't have weight issues. Jesus f'ing Christ! (couldn't write that out; not really going to Hell over a blog)

Next time these fucking bastards want to assess the morality of a conflict, tell 'em to show up a little earlier in the goddamn conflict! The good guys could've used the help. In the meantime, toot! toot! their ride is here. They can ride that fucking train back to where they came from.

Important changes at The Commentaries

Loyal readers will notice some important new features have been added to the blog, and we're not just talking about the "awesome" Cowboy Pic of the Week that has Goliath in such a panic he's starting polls for best blog (vote here for KatoAnon) and offering cash for votes and even letting articles of clothing, socks, specifically, cast ballots.

If you look to the right, you'll see we have cute for days. Cute kittens? That's nice. We've got cute dogs, babies,  bunnies, smiling animals, even exotic baby animals. We can also lift your spirits with pictures of rainbows and quotes from spiritual leaders. GenXers can get their Michael on at our page. Are you getting that from Goliath? No, we didn't think you were.

Tuesday Editorial Comment

WINNING!

Breaking news! New feature added to Monday Mega-Edition

Exclusive to The KatoAnon Commentaries! Cowboy Picture of the Week!

And that's not all! This pic also doubles as a Cool T-Shirt feature! All for the low, low price of $19.95! You won't find deals like this on any of those other blogs! Call now!

MONDAY MEGA-EDITION

Monday mood music

Monday stream of consciousness from contributor Molly Broom

My thoughts used for a stupid blog blog in stupid blog war with other blog that blog tries to steal idea straight from my brain Don't call it stream of consciousness but unedited but I know truth Burger King whopper would be good now hit the spot fucking debt crisis of course a crisis put Boehners and Weiners in charge of things what you get self-righteous knowitalls trying to guess who writes stupid blog accused of being ditzy blonde republican with funny ears assholes oh a cramp think I'm about to start that cindiloohoo funny as hell bling bling hot hot young harley guy too good to ask out woman with wedding ring noble bastard could've asked might've said no should've asked anyway funeral today for Claque died misunderstood making fun of physical appearance wrong calling out hypocrites right calling out not making fun of Jesus turn other cheek rest of us not Jesus just trying a little bit flies not even Christians unfair standard hey ho witch is dead good thing peer pressure shunning confronting bud nipping good methods headache coming on pms or hangover not sure pot will cure pretty pot pictures on hoosiertaxpayer's blog all blogs better than goliath's blog not copycatters straight from brain.

Monday Bargain from contributor Not Super But Cheap Heloise

I love to read and like to save money. Lucky for me, I found the following selections at the local Dollar Tree. Dollar Tree sells all items for a dollar including novels by well-known authors. I've found the books have the occasional typo or physical flaw, but if you can overlook a rare missing letter, it's a great way to get your read on while staying on budget.

My most recent finds:

This book was written by journalist David Ignatius who has extensively covered the CIA and the Middle East and does an enjoyable job fictionalizing the post-9/11 CIA and American diplomacy in the Middle East. It was a swift and action-packed read that plunked the reader right into the locales used as settings. The characters were hard to part with, and the suspense kept the pages flipping. Worth way more than a dollar even though it was released a few years ago.

This novel was a little gay, but not in a bad way. It may be the first novel I've read in which the main character is gay but that fact isn't allowed to define the entire work. The story is one of obsession, a love story, a travelogue, even a story of crime and intrigue. The character's sexual orientation was just a fact of the novel, not the apparent point of it. It probably won't win any major literature awards. It was just an interesting story. Yet it rates a mention in the KatoAnon Monday Mega-Edition's Monday Bargain for offering an interesting perspective, being an adequate companion while slacking and only costing $1.

Monday Mega-Edition Editorial Comment

Suck it!

Happy Sunday

Does good win over evil?

WLCC's The Buzz Radio Show

Announcer: Welcome back to WLCC radio! Joining me in the studio are Clique and Claque, our two fly on the wall reporters -- literally, guys, they're flies; they were on the wall -- bringing us the latest buzz from the first gathering of a reactivated civic group, League of Women Voters. Welcome, Clique, Claque.

Clique: Thanks, Mike. Glad to be here.

Announcer: So, guys, give us the scoop.

Clique: Some women and a few guys got together. They talked about how wonderful the League is, signed some people up, collected some checks for dues. There will be another meeting next month. Seems like a good thing. Thanks for having us.

Claque: Chicken.

Clique: Shut up. We're not going there.

Announcer: Come on, guys. We've got another six minutes of air time to fill. That can't be it. I heard rumors of some clashing personalities, people in attendance that can't stand each other. Also heard there were some pretty good cookies.

Clique: The cookies were good.

Claque: Not that cookies are a good choice for some in attendance, hee hee.

Clique: Shhh.

Announcer: What do you mean, Claque?

Claque: Well, it's just that...

Clique: Shut up, damnit! I'm telling you, we're better than that.

Claque: You might be, but I'm not, and I'm telling.

Announcer: Please do. Our listeners are waiting.

Clique: I'm out of here. I told you the facts. All he is going to talk about is conflict and gossip. The stuff of a Jerry Springer episode. As a fly, I've only got about another 20 minutes to live, and I'm not spending it endangering my immortal soul. (Studio door slams)

Announcer: Wow. I'm surprised to hear flies think they have souls.

Claque: That was harsh, Mike. But back to the dish. So, one of my weaknesses is reading all the local blogs and forums. They're like wine glasses with just a drop left in the bottom to me. I fall right in. So I was as startled as the next bug when before the meeting began, I looked at one big girl's name tag and read the name "Abbysnana."

Announcer: Uh, oh. That sounds like a good way to mess up a civil gathering. And she actually put her screen name on her name tag for a civic group?

Claque: She did. Weird, right? But that's not what really got me. Just before the meeting began, Kelley Curran showed up, too.

Announcer: You've got my attention now. They were both there?

Claque: Oh, not just them, but another Clark County Chatter poster Abbysnana has liked to make fun of, and Vicki and Nancy Moore, Mayoral Candidate Mike Moore's wife and mother, and Amy, the nutty ex-wife. All in one little room with a dozen innocent bystanders.

Announcer: Oh, my. I'd like to have been a fly on the wall in that room.

Claque: Um, that's kinda what you have me for, but anyway, so I was saying, Kelley shows up. Now Abbysnana -- Lisa Smith is her real name, though she doesn't seem to know that -- is always making cracks about Kelley's weight. Turns out, Lisa is about three times Kelley's size! Talk about the big fat kettle calling the average-sized pot fat!

Announcer: No!

Claque: Yes!

Announcer: Were there any conflicts between the two women?

Claque: Actually, no. Lisa seemed a little out of place. After all, this was a group of respectable people in the community specifically meeting to promote civil discourse. Not really Lisa's strong point. The fireworks were between Lisa and Vicki Moore, and I must say, my respect for Vicki shot through the roof.

Announcer: Do tell.

Claque: So, those leading the meeting are talking about discussing things in a respectful way, even when people disagree, yada, yada. Vicki raises her hand and asks whether it would be permissible to slander a candidate. The organizers, of course, said no. So Vicki confirms and says, "so if someone is the type that does slander people, they probably shouldn't join, right?" and cuts a long, lovely and disgusted look over at Lisa.

Announcer: Oooh. So perfectly catty. You're telling me that Vicki Moore has beauty, brains and balls?

Claque: Well, yes. They're very classy feminine balls, but, yes.

Announcer: What did Lisa do?

Claque: So then Lisa pipes up and says, "we can speak up though if they're disgusting, like say a..." and went on to repeat a slanderous accusation. Everyone in the room starts shaking their heads and getting visibly uncomfortable. Funniest part is, it was Barb Anderson, who Lisa has tried to be buddy-buddy with, who shut her up. Barb yelled loudly and firmly at Lisa, "Hey! We're not going to have that here!"

Announcer: What did Lisa do then?

Claque: She shut up.

Announcer: I didn't know she knew how to do that.

Claque: Me either. Go figure. She didn't even say anything to Kelley the whole time even though she constantly posts on her forum as if she's talking directly to Kelley, trying so desperately to get her attention and pretend they have some real connection or relationship. But here was her opportunity, and she didn't say a word.

Announcer: Wow. Changes my perspective on a few things. And you say she's fat?

Claque: Huge.

Call to action: defense fund needed!

Some poor woman has been charged with torture for cutting off her husband's penis and then putting it in the garbage disposal. Where's the justice? This wrongly demonized woman has a very clear justification for her actions. "He deserved it," she said. That's good enough for me.

Though the Associated Press story on this incident chooses to quote a female representative of the district attorney's office, it's quite clear a penis-wearer initiated these charges. I have feminist Facebook friends. I know we've been beaten down by our patriarchal overlords. I know he deserved it. She didn't even have to say it.

Much has been made of the racial divide in how Americans viewed the verdict in the O.J. Simpson trial. Different life experiences of different groups caused people to look at the exact same set of information and come away with completely different truths.

Very early in an upper-level college course on terrorism we dealt with the definitions of "terror," and "terrorist," and contrasted those terms with "crime," "freedom fighter," and the like. We were given a list of acts and told to label and discuss which were acts of terror, which were crimes.

One of the cases on the list was Lorena Bobbit's surgical alteration of her husband's genitals. Approximately 80% of the females in the room said, "neither." Approximately 100% of the males in the room cringed at the very mention of her name and looked very nervous as they realized that the educated, usually rational women in the room were totally serious. 

It's easy to say, objectively, that it's probably wrong to take a man's best friend away from him with a knife, or scissors, or chain saw, or bolt cutters, or slowly with a thin string tied very, very tight or with any of the cool, specialized tools a Google Images search of the word "castration" shows.

Women should probably worry a little about the details of just what the guy supposedly did to deserve a little snip, snip.

But we don't.

If anyone gets word on where we can contribute to this woman's defense or general welfare, please let me know. After all, it's not like she just threw the thing out the car window.