A bedtime story

"Grandma, tell me a story."

"I'll tell you a story, Granddaughter, a story about a village by the river that was being tormented by a horrible plague."

"Ooh. Is it a scary story?"

"It is, but maybe not for the reason you think. Big Idea Man had been making terrible messes all over the village. His messes had destroyed the woods east of the village. He had made a mess of the district to which the villagers went when they were through toiling. He was planning a horrific mess for the most ancient part of the village, a mess that would drive people from their homes and unleash the tax collectors on the people. It was a dark time."

"Didn't the villagers try to stop Big Idea Man or clean up the messes?"

"They did. They brought in sages from far and wide to advise them of what to do, but the Big Idea Man had cooked up an evil concoction with which to make his messes with ingredients like extract of jellyfish and ear infection cultures. The sages said there was only one thing that could clean up the Big Idea Man's messes and bring his reign of terror to an end."

"What was it grandma?"

"Pee, and lots of it, directed straight at the messes and the Big Idea Man in one big, powerful stream."

"Eww."

"It was what had to be done. The sages said it would take a leader, the best pisser in the village, to aim at the Big Idea Man and his messes with all the villagers standing beside the leader contributing to the stream of urine."

"Did they find such a leader?"

"They tried for many years. Many times, they thought they had found the right leader, but Big Idea Man would trick them, encouraging many lesser pissers to offer themselves as leader. The villagers would be confused and break into factions supporting different pissers and the streams from these small groups were too weak to eradicate Big Idea Man and his messes.

Then, along came a promising leader, a real pisser, the owner of the village inn which was known far and wide for their recipe of mutton on a bun with tartar sauce. He had already taken on many of the big idea men and their messes throughout the county. The villagers were ready to stand with him and combine their streams to save their village from the messes of the Big Idea Man."

"So the village was saved?"

"Unfortunately, it wasn't that easy. There was another great pisser in the village, nearly as strong as the other. He had laid out the very boundaries of the farms surrounding the village and made sure the lanes were straight. The villagers would've been very lucky if these two men combined their stream and aimed it at Big Idea Man, but alas, it wasn't to be. Instead of joining the stream of the leader, the other pisser challenged the leader to see who could piss the farthest, forgetting to aim at Big Idea Man and his messes."

"Why did the other leader challenge the inn owner instead of joining him to get rid of Big Idea Man and clean up the messes?"

"It was because of a menace even more terrifying than the messes of the Big Idea Man. An evil that has lurked since the first animal walked the earth. The cause of all wars and strife on this planet. Testosterone."

"Testosterone sounds scary, Grandma."

"It is. It is because of testosterone that the village by the river was doomed by a pissing contest."

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